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Erection Essay Results in Suspension

A New Zealand teenager was given a weeks suspension after handing in an essay entitled "Getting a Boner." The teacher had asked students to write a story entitled "How does your body betray you?"

His mother complained, saying her son wrote about a natural experience, but the teachers and principal said it was offensive to others and inappropriate. The boy was told he could return after two days if he received counselling., 11 May, 2002

A Real Example of Not Knowing Your Arse Was On Fire

A Danish man having surgery on his backside broke wind and set his genitals alight.

A surgeon was removing a mole on his backside with an electric knife when the man broke wind, lighting a spark.

His genitals had been washed with surgical spirits and caught fire.

He's suing the hospital for pain and suffering and loss of income. 14 April, 2002

The Search for the Perfect Penis

Condom manufacturer Lifestyles recently conducted research to find the perfect penis, in an effort to produce the perfect condom.

In what sounds like the perfect teenage boy's dream, two nurses were employed by the company to measure the penises of 300 students. The measurements were carried out during Spring Break at a nightclub in Cancun, Mexico.

It turns out that the perfect penis is 14.927 centimetres long with a circumference of 12.628 centimetres., 7 July 2001

Arizona Makes It Into The Naughties - Almost

The government of Arizona in the US has finally repealed laws which prohibit cohabitation, sodomy, and sex before marriage. For over a century the state has had laws prohibiting "open and notorious cohabitation," the "infamous crime against nature" and any "lewd or lascivious act . . . with the intent of arousing, appealing to or gratifying the lust, passion or sexual desires."

Seven years ago an attempt was made to get rid of the laws without success. Now the bill awaits approval by the state governor. So far, 933 calls have been made demanding that the governor veto the bill, but no-one has been prepared to call in and support it.

Adultery will remain against the law.

- AVN News, 2 May 2001

Vulvas Still Seen As Obscene

Abstract paintings of female genitalia have been censored from a New Zealand exhibition, after some patrons complained. The paintings, which were being displayed at the Wellington Home and Garden show, were turned to the wall to prevent offense.

The artist, Sandro Copp, said the pictures respected women. "My intention is to show my vision of beauty. It's not like I'm getting off on it."

- Ananova, 21 April 2001

Female Scientist Tells The Real Reason Why Breasts Are Round

Up until now, evolutionists have proudly claimed that women's breasts are shaped the way they are in order to get men. The theory goes that since men like big boobs, the bigger breasted women were more likely to survive and pass on their genes. It's worth noting that most of these evolutionary scientists were male.

But a British researcher has come up with her own theory as to why humans have the biggest breasts of all primates. It's so a baby can breathe while breastfeeding. “With a flat breast, the child’s nose would get pressed up against the mother’s body too much, says Gillian Bentley of London University College's anthropology department. "Deeply embedded in the mother’s skin, breathing would be nearly impossible. Infants dying in such a manner would have led to very strong (natural) selection for round breasts,”

Kind of obvious, isn't it?

- Manila Bulletin, 20 April 2001

College Students Get Sexual Online.

A survey of 500 college students from Texas A&N University has found that, while men are more likely to pursue online pornography, more women were interested in having cybersex in chat rooms.

The survey, published in the Archives of Sexual Behaviour, found that 43.5% of all students had accessed sexually explicit online material, most citing "curiosity" as the main reason. Around 25% had been in sexual chat rooms, although many were "watchers" instead of participants. Interestingly, 13% of online users sought out porn in order to enhance sexual experiences with their partners.

- Reuters Health, 14th April 2001

The Rules Have Changed, but Women Still Experiencing "Regretted Sex"

A study by Australian researcher Vicki Arbes-Dupuy has found that the rules of engagement for relationships have changed in recent years. She conducted group discussions among men and women who knew each other socially, to discover how men and women related to each other in the new century.

Most participants felt it was reasonable to move from first contact to a sexual relationship within the space of 2 weeks to a month. In past decades, this time span measured months or years. Both men and women considered casual sex to be a desirable method of gaining "experience."

No surprisingly, men were keen to move to the sexual stage as soon as possible, describing flirting and other "getting to know-you" methods as "irritating". For women, the flirting was simply part of the experience.

Unfortunately, the study also found that up to 70% of the women in the group had had one sexual experience they had not wanted. They did not describe the experience as rape, but rather passed it off as an "unpleasant experience". Arbes-Dupuy described it as "regretted sex" and found that many went along with the sex out of fear.

One woman said: "Sometimes you are not sure how they are going to react, especially if you are staying over at their house. You just worry if you say no, what's he going to do? You sometimes don't know where you are, you don't know how to get home, and that's a big factor. It's easy just to do it, get it out of the way."

- The Age website, 8 April, 2001

Stupid Sex - The Most Idiotic and Embarrassing Intimate Encounters of All Time

by Kathryn Petras, Ross Petras

* A man, swimming in a Florida pool, sees the pool intake pipe and gets a unique idea. Hours later, after police, firemen, and EMT personnel are called, the man is taken to an area hospital--along with ten feet of pipe attached to a very swollen part of his anatomy.

* A newly married couple in Turin set up a video camera in their bedroom to tape all of their honeymoon activities. But somehow certain crucial wires got crossed. While they were enjoying their honeymoon sex, so was everyone else in their apartment building: the couple had accidentally connected their camera to the building's cable television system.

This alphabetical compendium of carnal catastrophes is enough to make anyone consider celibacy. From the India-South Korea condom conflict, to a woman with a remarkable way of playing the flute, everything that can go wrong does go wrong. Some of these stories are not for the squeamish, but they provide a hilarious picture of the lengths to which some people will go for a thrill.


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